Having a Voice

Silence.

It’s the way of trauma. Chronic trauma and alienation.

It’s they way they get you. The way they get you to take it. The way they get you to take it and say nothing for years.

Because when someone wants to control you, one of the most powerful things they can do is make you feel ashamed.

They shame you.

And then they own you.

Because you’ll never say a word.

Because how can you know what is real when you’ve been told that it’s not.

That what they’re doing to you isn’t happening. That it’s just your crazy mind again.

So first they hurt you.

Then they tell you that they’re not hurting you.

Then they tell you that it’s just you.

Then they make you feel bad for what just happened.

Then they tell you that you can’t tell anyone about it.

Because it will make people hate you.

Because it’s not real. Or it’s your fault.

And they’re so convincing. And it’s hard to stand up in public and talk about personal stuff in the first place. Add a layer of shame to that, and you’ve got some guaranteed silence.

Shame is a powerful tool.

It’s oppressive.

And it works.

For the past fifteen years, my once-husband now ex has controlled my public voice.

First, I couldn’t talk about his cheating.

Then I couldn’t talk about the abuse.

Then I couldn’t talk about the ways he was hurting our children.

And the court backed him up. It still does. There are real repercussions for talking about a history of abuse in court. There are real repercussions for talking about what’s really happening.

So I’ve been silent. I’ve been told to be silent.

I’ve been told to shut my mouth.

And silence can kill.

It hurts. I’m sure you’ve been there. When you can’t talk about what’s really happening in your life, whether  it’s happening behind closed doors or in your heart.

It eats you alive.

And for me, it’s gone on too long. I either can’t take it anymore, or else I’m going to have to talk.

So here’s this blog. It’s time to get started.

With being honest.

And having a voice.

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